liam, a retrospective

two weeks late...

hard to believe but i have been a mother for six years. when liam was born i was excited and in love and yet so afraid of him. i loved babies. i was comfortable around them and had plenty of experience but having my own was completely different. being the mom, being responsible for every need for another person, trying to keep the child alive... it was somehow more intimidating to me than i had thought it would be. it was like everything i knew about babies had been erased from my mind. it was a good thing my mother was there.




after i became comfortable being the mom, that first year was so great. i had so much fun. i loved getting to know my son, learning what he liked and disliked. he was so happy. everyday was better than the last. he learned how to say his name. he called himself meenom.




two was a bit more of a challenge. testing of the boundaries. temper tantrums. this was the first time i had feelings of "in this moment, i don't like him". it was hard. there were great moments too. my favorite being that for a few months i would awake to liam calling me from his crib "Nire. Niiiiiiiire!" (Nire is Michael's nickname for me).




we had gotten to a good place again and then right before liam turned three some friends made a comment along the lines of "you think two is hard? just you wait". i didn't really believe them. people call it the "terrible two's" for a reason, right? well, ends up that they were right. three was harder. make that WAY harder. a three year old and a newborn and Postpartum Depression on top of that. even from my current position (mother of three) it was my most challenging time as a mother. during this year was the first time liam uttered the words "i hate you". i remember saying that to my parents but i was a teenager- not three years old. it was shocking and painful for me. and yet three was a good year in some ways. my love for liam grew as he took to his new role as big brother.




four was much of the same. so.much.attitude. this was the year liam started preschool. he grew and matured a lot that year. at this age he became so observant. he would notice when i changed the sheets on my bed from the brown set to the white set. he would compliment my appearance, "I like your scarf/necklace/hair. You look beautiful."




at five i was starting to see more and more glimpses of my "sweet liam" again. in this year liam became a big brother for a second time. he is so good at being a brother. he is gentle and kind. he has more compassion than most adults. he also learned to use compliments in a manipulative way:

Me: "Liam, I know you are lying"
Liam: "I'm not!"
Me: "Than why are you smiling?" (he is as good at lying as i am)
Liam: "Because you are so beautiful."




i expect six to be the best year yet. he is really learning who he is. he is SO good. we still have problems with attitude at times. i expect it, it is normal. so often i am amazed by him. he is a great artist. he is very creative and has a great imagination. he has such a pure heart. he is eager to please and to make good choices. it may sound like i am bragging a bit but he is truly that good! and i can not really take credit for his goodness. all that he is does not come from me. it is just inherent in his spirit. i am just the lucky girl that gets to be his mom.




thank you liam for being my first, for making me a mother. happy birthday my big boy.